DUFFEL BLOG PRESENTS: Rudyard Kipling gives your weekend safety brief

rudyard kipling

If yer ‘eadin’ down to ‘Ay Street
To ‘ave a bit a fun
Be sure to take sheepguts,
Pretect yerself my son
Be sure to cover John Thomas
before diving in the minge
Be sure to wrap yer willie
On porter and pie you’ll binge

‘Fore ya drink yerself stupid
Well, stupider than ya are
Make sure ya got a DD
‘Fore gettin’ in the car
Make sure you ain’t drivin’
On this your career’ll ‘inge
Make sure the cherry has the keys
On porter and pie you’ll binge

If a motored cycle is how
Ya get yerself ’round
Put on a helmet, ijit
Lest ya hit the ground
Put on a brain bucket
Head inj’ries make me cringe
Protect yer empty melon
On porter and pie you’ll binge

One last thing, lads
‘Fore ya go out ta whore
Have an escape plan
‘Fore crossing through her door
Know where the exits are
When ya wake up in the dinge
Get the fook outta there
On porter and pie you’ll binge


Jay is tired.