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WASHINGTON — In a heartbreaking turn of events, the Marine Corps burst into tears yesterday when Army broke the news that Gen. James Mattis is just a story created to inspire the troops, sources confirmed today.
“Look, I know you’ve believed in ‘ole Chaos Mattis for years, but you’re old enough to know better — Mattis isn’t real,” Army said with a smirk.
Upon hearing the news, the Corps’ eyes got really wide, and its mouth slowly dropped open.
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