Army tells Marine Corps Mattis isn't real

WASHINGTON — In a heartbreaking turn of events, the Marine Corps burst into tears yesterday when Army broke the news that Gen. James Mattis is just a story created to inspire the troops, sources confirmed today. “Look, I know you’ve believed in ‘ole Chaos Mattis for years, but you’re old enough to know better — Mattis isn’t real,” Army said with a smirk.

Read →

Comments on this post are for paying subscribers