LUKE AFB, Ariz.—Tech. Sgt. Ashley Ferris’ bridesmaids are reeling after finding out what they would be wearing to her wedding this summer. In a sassy group message, Ferris revealed they would all need to get fitted for “super sexy MOPP gear.”
Mission Oriented Protective Posture (MOPP) equipment is head-to-toe outerwear used to protect troops from chemical and biological threats. The entire suit can weight up to 40lbs and requires the user to breathe through a gas mask. The wedding in Phoenix is scheduled to take place outside in August, and is expected to be a long one, as the bride and groom—both Brit Lit majors—wrote their own vows.
“She is bat shit crazy if she thinks I’m going to look like the princess of Chernobyl,” said Staff Sgt. Lisa Brant, a coworker and the maid of honor. “Its going to be 200 degrees, and I’ll have to drink champagne through a charcoal filter.”
“That shit will filter all the alcohol out!”
The bride, on the other hand, will be wearing a white lace dress that breathes and elegantly shows off her curves.
“All my bridesmaids are prettier than me,” said Ferris. “I can’t have that on my day.”
“Besides they will be protected if my crazy ex follows through with his threat.”
“I actually don’t mind,” said Regina Larson, a close friend and bridesmaid. “I won’t have to diet at all and I heard some military guys are into biohazard role-playing.”
Following the ceremony, the wedding party will take pictures in a simulated decontamination check point. As a bonus, all the bridesmaids will earn a training certificate valid for two years.