Agent Penis reassigned after CIA intruder blows his cover
LANGLEY — Central Intelligence Agent Richard Penis has been reassigned to administrative duty after a woman compromised his secret identity by trespassing on CIA headquarters and requesting to speak with him, sources confirmed today.
The woman, who demanded that Agent Penis return her ID, claims to have been unaware that she was blowing Penis’s cover.
Agent Penis’s supervisor, Harold Balzac, lamented losing such a talented young agent in the field.
“Someone like Penis only comes once in a blue moon. It’ll be a shame for him to get screwed into a desk job now.”
One peer of Penis, however, who spoke on condition of anonymity, felt as though the outcome was deserved.
“Richard probably did steal that woman’s ID after a night out where he openly suggested he was in the CIA. He’s always been a cocky jerk like that.”
The CIA Headquarters, which Balzac claims is nigh impregnable, hopes to abort future penetrations sooner.
“On the bright side, we now have the foresight to circumscribe these types of intruders,” said Balzac. “While Penis was certainly shafted, this woman’s behavior has been seminal to our new security measures.”