Drug Incidents, Morale Skyrockets After Army Halts Urinalysis Due To Government Shutdown

THE PENTAGON — A Sergeant Major was found unconscious in a Washington brothel Sunday morning, after an all-night marathon session of sex with multiple prostitutes, fueled by large amounts of Viagra and amphetamines. A Three-Star General was arrested after a high-speed chase with Fort Detrick Military Police, who found an underage Filipino boy and over a…