White House Bus Badly Damaged After Running Over Defense Secretary

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Top administration aides confirmed Monday that the official Presidential Bus (codenamed “Bluebird One”) suffered severe damage last week when it ran over Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel.

“So there we were, on the way back to the White House for the weekly fundraiser with Jay-Z, when there was this loud, like, WHUMP, followed by this inhu…