White House Bus Badly Damaged After Running…

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Top administration aides confirmed Monday that the official Presidential Bus (codenamed “Bluebird One”) suffered severe damage last week when it ran over Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel. “So there we were, on the way back to the White House for the weekly fundraiser with Jay-Z, when there was this loud, like, WHUMP, followed by this inhuman screeching from the undercarriage,” said a White House Press Secretary who asked not to be named. “When we got back to the motor pool, wouldn’t you know it, there [Hagel] was, lodged up between the chassis and the muffler, and the drive train and transmission were all [damaged] up.”

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