WASHINGTON — After two years of development and testing, the Department of Defense recently released its newest technological advancement in ground pyrotechnics—the brown star cluster—intended to notify others on the battlefield that the mission has gone entirely to shit.

Dr. Michael D. Griffin, the Under Secretary of Defense for Research and Engineering, was very excited when the project initially came across his desk.

“For too long we’ve only had the standard collection of cluster flares: red, green, and white,” Griffin said. “What is this—Christmas?”

“But when the project synopsis for the brown star cluster was briefed, I knew this was something good that I could take complete and total credit for.”

But it was a difficult road from proof-of-concept to field implementation. Infighting between the services began when disagreements about the shade of brown to be used emerged. Officials from the Air Force and Navy were finally able to agree on Pantone 19-0912 (Chocolate Brown) after they b…

DoD fields ‘Brown Star Cluster’ flare for…

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