Entire Military Comes Out Of Closet, Confirms They Are All Gay

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a shocking turn of events in light of the Supreme Court striking down parts of the Defense of Marriage Act as unconstitutional, the entire United States military has confirmed they are all gay.

"I can't tell you what an unbelievable day this is," said Specialist Jim Ruckers. "Even with Don't Ask, Don't Tell repealed, I wasn't comfor…