MacDill AFB, Tampa, FL - The servicemembers of Central Command (CENTCOM) were shocked to learn that intiricate plans for a surprise birthday party for General James "Mad Dog" Mattis have been leaked by television journalist Geraldo Rivera.

"I wanna know who let the cat outta the bag," said CENTCOM Command Sergeant Major Frank "Kung Fu" Grippe. "This is bullshit. We had a cake planned. And punch. Now it's ruined."

The leak occurred during a recent episode of "The O'Reilly Factor" on Fox News Channel. During a heated discussion, host Bill O'Reilly challenged Rivera to explain comments that "he was close to many top defense officials."

"What do you know, Rivera? You know squat. Bupkus. You got nothin'!," O'Reilly said.