Commanders Dispensing Awards To Lieutenants…

FORT BRAGG, N.C. — Keeping with the spirit and time-honored tradition of unchecked cronyism, unit commanders will reportedly be handing out awards to adorable lieutenants going door-to-door this Halloween. While officers are spoiled all-year-long by receiving awards for doing the same level of work as their enlisted counterparts, Halloween is a time especially fun for lieutenants: Sources say it's the best time for O-1's to dress up like competent leaders that soldiers respect.

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