Marine guarding Heaven's Gates looks forward…

HEAVEN — A Marine charged with standing post at Heaven's main gate says he can't wait until the Apocalypse destroys all of creation so he can finally leave the service and grow a beard, sources confirmed today. Lance Cpl. George Yanosy, who in his corporeal form was killed fighting somewhere for some important reason, has become increasingly disgruntled since the fine print on his signing bonus endeared him to the Marine Corps for perpetuity.

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