Nation reluctantly admits most…

EVERYWHERE, USA — America reluctantly admitted that most of its service-members were not actually heroes, sources close to the first-world nation confirmed today. “Discounts, parades, preferred services, all these things that were supposed to be a nice way of saying ‘thanks for risking your life’ have morphed into this culture of self-inflicted martyrdom that’s pretty fucking disturbing,” America said during a news conference.

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