Navy: I Can Quit Drinking Anytime I Want

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The United States Navy said Wednesday that it did not have a drinking problem and it could "totally quit drinking anytime," sources confirmed. The Navy cited it is dealing with numerous stressful issues and picking up a bottle from time to time hasn't made any significant impact on mission accomplishment. Among the day-to-day stressors the Navy says it experiences are boredom, anger at the Marine Corps for always flirting with all the hot Air Force babes, and recent budget woes from sequestration.

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