Pentagon says tactical rollerblades only way…

HONOLULU — A new report from U.S. IndoPacific Command reveals harrowing details about China's growing fleet of vert ramps, which experts say can only be countered by heavy investment in tactical rollerblades. "We're talking 15-foot ramps, handrails, big air jumps, the works," said INDOPACOM Commander Adm. Philip Davidson. "If we want to assert our supremacy as the gnarliest shredders in the South Pacific, we need every soldier equipped with aggressive, lethal inline skates ASAP."

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