PETERSON AIR FORCE BASE, Colorado – Regardless of its recent official activation, U.S. Space Command (SPACECOM) operations will not be “go for launch” until the force masters space travel regulations, a super important civilian says.

“Fiscal accountability applies in space just like on Earth” said GS-15 Bobby Hall, SPACECOM Resource Management Officer and Defense Travel System (DTS) Level 25 approver, “and SPACECOM is comprised of aviators and aircrews from all the services. Those zipper-suited dumbasses can’t even pull off a simple fuel stop in Scotland without causing a national shit-storm. So all the junior James T. Kirks need extensive DTS training or we'll have a ‘Space-Gate’ scandal bigger than Jupiter.”

Hall explained how military space travel presents astronomical problems. “Every mission is a TDY,” Hall says, “at 34 cents a mile, a round trip to the moon is a $162,421 mileage check to every Star Lord wannabe. But they'll wait until the last minute to submit their DTS, and want voucher settlement before they even dry off after splash down.”