PETERSON AIR FORCE BASE, Colorado – Regardless of its recent official activation, U.S. Space Command (SPACECOM) operations will not be “go for launch” until the force masters space travel regulations, a super important civilian says.

“Fiscal accountability applies in space just like on Earth” said GS-15 Bobby Hall, SPACECOM Resource Management Officer and Defense Travel System (DTS) Level 25 approver, “and SPACECOM is comprised of aviators and aircrews from all the services. Those zipper-suited dumbasses can’t even pull off a simple fuel stop in Scotland without causing a national shit-storm. So all the junior James T. Kirks need extensive DTS training or we'll have a ‘Space-Gate’ scandal bigger than Jupiter.”

Hall explained how military space travel presents astronomical problems. “Every mission is a TDY,” Hall says, “at 34 cents a mile, a round trip to the moon is a $162,421 mileage check to every Star Lord wannabe. But they'll wait until the last minute to submit their DTS, and want …