SPONSORED: Choose The Exchange For All Your Not-Being-Naked Needs!

Having trouble concealing your body this fall? The Base Exchange has you covered!

With our wide assortment of khaki slacks and impressive turtleneck sweaters, you will very specifically not be naked if you shop at the Exchange!

Kids already worn out their back-to-school clothes? No problem! At the Exchange, we have cotton products that’ll last them ‘til at least spring! From our screen-print t-shirts featuring possibly unrecognizable cartoon characters to our screen-print t-shirts featuring hip other things, your offspring can finally blend in with the crowd and avoid the beatings they've been taking during recess! Unless they’re in middle school. If they're in middle school, they’re fucked. The Exchange doesn’t have anything for that.

Feeling glamorous or gaudy? Check out our assortment of fine watches, sunglasses, and jewelry, which are almost certainly more real than what you’d get during a port call in Phuket!

Ladies, feeling sexy? Practical is in this season! With the Exchange’s blinding-white bra and undergarment selection, you’ll look just like the women your nine-year-old stares at in the front section of the newspaper.

But that’s not all! We’ve got, uh… jeans! Blue jeans made from denim for your leg parts. Put them on yourself or on scarecrow in the yard! Whether you’re out on the town or at a friend’s house for the big game, you’ll turn heads and have everybody saying, “Wow, those are really blue.” And for those tough business-casual situations, try our jeans with pleats, which let people know that you mean business but also know how to have fun!

Don’t just take it from us. Ask one of the Exchange’s dozen or so satisfied customers!

“I can spend hours in the Exchange looking for something that fits,” said Navy-wife June Rupert. “And when I finally find something, the Exchange sometimes has it in my color!”

So don’t go nude this fall! The Exchange has clothes. They go on your body. America!