KIEV — Ukrainian military forces pushed across the Russian border on Tuesday after parliament members in Kiev overwhelmingly authorized the use of force with most reasoning that "you only live once, am I right?"
"It may not pan out or go as well as we expect, and there's what, 50,000 Russian troops sitting on our border?" asked a visibly intoxicated Oleksandr Turchynov, the interim president. "But fuck it, YOLO! Let's get this party started!"
On the president's order, thousands of troops — many wearing mix-and-match uniforms and some not even carrying weapons — pushed across the border, chanting "Spring break, Moscow 2014! Wooh!"
