USAF changes name to ‘US As F*ck’
WASHINGTON — After 71 years, the U.S. Air Force is changing its name, the U.S. As Fuck (USAF) announced today.
The world’s premier air and space force decided on the change in response to surveys indicating that badly-needed recruits are drawn to motivational T-shirts, patriotic fantasies derived from gaming, and the hope of being considered “as fuck” as Marines without doing “as much” physical training.
According to in-the-know Millennial Capt. Sherina Saaun, a recruit flight commander, recruits — who are GenZ — want to be “‘as fuck’ as anything. All. The. Time,” she said, snapping her fingers to emphasize each unnecessary break.
“Today’s recruits don’t want to affiliate with anything their parents were raised to be,” she added. “They want a unique identity, and that identity is U.S. As Fuck.”
Eighteen-year-old enlistee Brian Elverston seemed to agree.
“I heard that aerial porters and flightline kitchen personnel are badass as fuck,” he said, while digitally signing paperwork at an As Fuc…
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