Absence of assassin from future confuses amb…

Fort Bragg, N.C. — A company commander is expressing shock and dismay that after six years in the Army a future assassin has yet to travel back in time and attempt to kill him, sources confirmed today. "Boundless ambition? Check. Contempt for subordinates? Check. Rejection of enlightenment values combined with a burning desire to usher in a fascistic, military-style dictatorship with myself at the helm? Check, and check," said Hawkingson. "Why haven't I been targeted for elimination by a temporal agent desperate to stop my inevitable rise to power?"

Read →