WASHINGTON — Early Wednesday, Pentagon officials announced that the Army will spend $2 billion this year to recruit 20,000 migrants currently fleeing Syria in an attempt to meet their retention goal for fiscal year 2015. “We have tried everything so far but keep falling short,” said Maj. Gen. Thomas Semands, commander of Army Human Resources Command. “I’ve let in all the gays, transgendereds, and everyone in between. We're even pretending we will let women serve in the infantry. I guess the next step is to let the deserters of other nations join, eh?"