Bling-Bling! I Got My P.O.W. Medal, Bitches!

By Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl, U.S. Army [Translated from Pashto. -ed] Oh hey guys, I've got a riddle for you: Who's got two thumbs and is the greatest American ever? Yeah, this guy! Sergeant, soon to be Staff Sergeant, Bowe Bergdahl, America's latest hero! Fresh off from my all-expenses paid five-year vacation in Pakistan, all set to come home, snap some necks and cash some checks.

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