Coke-Fueled Airmen Aim 'High'

WARREN AIR FORCE BASE, Wyo. – The Air Force is investigating a nuclear security unit suspected of rampant cocaine use, sources report. “We are perplexed at how this keeps happening,” Secretary of Defense Ash Carter said. “These airmen are assigned to luxurious locations like Wyoming. The only way they could have it easier would be to work in the Pentagon.”

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