Drunk hurricane calls Coast Guard at 2 A.M…

PORTSMOUTH, Va. — A wasted hurricane by the name of Florence has reportedly been calling at all hours of the night looking for a place to crash, according to Coast Guard Sector Hampton Roads. “She’s pretty hammered,” said Petty Officer Sam Vallin, who spoke to Florence, “She was saying things like ‘HEY! It’s me yer best fuckin’ friend. I’m shitfaced from the Caribbean and I need a place to pass out and take a fackin’ shit’.”

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