Lieutenant Colonel actually Major Asshole

TWENTYNINE PALMS, Calif. – Despite attaining the rank of lieutenant colonel, assistant to the regimental S-3Z Jefferey Shortbus can best be described as a major asshole. The first indication of Lt. Col. Shortbus’ true colors came when he plastered the regimental headquarters with copies of his leadership philosophy, despite the fact that he is a staff officer who commands zero Marines and less respect. Printed on parchment paper, the memo consists solely of the words “DIVERSITY, INTEGRITY, PEOPLE ARE OUR MOST VALUABLE RESOURCE” in 72-point size Zapf Chancery. First Lt. Aaron DePaul, an expert on leadership philosophies and navel gazing, analyzed the document.

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