The NSA Is Watching You Masturbate Right Now

YOUR HOME — You are among the millions currently being watched by intelligence analysts at the National Security Agency as you masturbate alone in your room, sources confirmed today. Documents leaked by ex-NSA contractor Edward Snowden indicate that at this very moment, your webcam has been activated and has been taken over by NSA Director Gen. Keith Alexander, who is watching and judging you as you click on video clip after video clip of hardcore pornography across numerous websites.

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