In the scope of human endeavors, seldom has an individual failed so drastically at their profession, the ability to perform mundane tasks, and life in general. Sergeant Smith, you are truly an accomplishment in your mediocrity. Sources confirm that you are neither tactically or technically proficient. You attained your rank by excelling only in physical fitness, the ability to memorize ArmyStudyGuide.com, and unabashedly cheating through hundreds of Army correspondence courses.
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