US wins second place in Afghan War

WASHINGTON – Continuing a streak of top five finishes that dates back to the country’s founding, America formally announced its second place victory in the Afghan War on Wednesday. “From the moment the War on Terror began, we knew we would settle for nothing less than a podium finish” said Secretary of Defense Mark Esper. “Today, after 19 years of blood and sweat, we are able to finally declare absolute and total second place victory.”

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