USS Bonhomme Richard boasts zero COVID-19 cases

NAVAL BASE SAN DIEGO, Calif. — The US Navy proudly cited the eradication of coronavirus aboard the amphibious assault ship USS Bonhomme Richard (LHD-6) as a metric for the vessel’s mission readiness.

“Sure, we may have hit a little snag with that fire thing,” Rear Adm. Philip Sobeck, commander of Expeditionary Strike Group Three, told reporters. “But don’t let that distract you from the fact we have tracked not a single instance of coronavirus on the ship since taking 100 percent of the personnel off.”

The Bonhomme Richard, which literally burned for several days straight, has also bragged that it has not collided with any other ships in port.

“In the Navy, we always focus on what’s important to drive our narrative,” said Sobeck, “which right now is the fact that all two sailors currently aboard the USS Bonhomme Richard have been tested and come back negative for COVID-19. This provides measurable proof of our excellence and ability to take care of our crews.”

Navy leaders also emphasizes that success in one area should never be an excuse to let another priority slide.

“We’ve also reported only three SHARP violations on the ship over the last few days,” Sobeck noted. “That’s a record low for us.”