Navy Pilot First to Complete Distance Education Top Gun
Iceman can be his IT support anytime
His aim with one of two mandatory blog post comments is deadly.
NAVAL STRIKE AND AIR WARFARE CENTER, FALLON, NV — The US Navy has graduated its first pilot from the world-famous Top Gun School by correspondence. Lieutenant Carl Samulson completed the grueling eight-month course completely by mail and online, flying simulators twelve to fourteen hours a day from his home. His accomplishment earned him the call sign “HOT,” an acronym for “Hands Off Throttles,” a reference to the fact that Samulson never saw an actual jet during the course.
Top Gun, officially named the United States Navy Strike Fighter Tactics Instructor Course, is designed to teach pilots the latest tactics for defeating America’s most dangerous adversaries, and it normally requires hours of study while flying with and against the best fighter pilots in the world.
“We saw how much technology is available and realized that fighter pilots are far more expensive to maintain than the value they actually offer. So, we decided we don’t even need pilots to fly in real airplanes anymore,” said Commander Dolph Porkins, Top Gun Chief Tactical Finance Officer.
Porkins said, “We started with the original Nintendo Entertainment System Top Gun cartridge. Then someone found a treasure trove of old AOL discs in a base dumpster. We bought some of their online time since no one but my Uncle Gary uses AOL anyway. Then some super dorky Information Technology Third Class Petty Officer with a way superior attitude suggested we link simulators to one another for dogfights. Now we’re making world-class fighter pilots who have never had to experience the inconvenience of an 8G turn and saving billions of dollars. I made sure the IT3 got a letter of appreciation.”
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