By Jordan Hemlock
The Pentagon announced today plans to move from its current DIME strategy in order to help deal with a recent economic downturn and rising inflation. National security policy development and implementation will now focus on the newly-coined NICKEL strategy: Nineteen-year-olds, Innovation, Cryptocurrency, Keto, Email, and Leg tucks.
“We have all the ingredients to maintain the same high level of success we’ve been enjoying under DIME, now it’s just in a more fiscally responsible way,” said Pentagon spokesman John Kirby. “Each branch offered its ideas to save money and maintain lethality in an increasingly budget-constrained force.”
The inclusion of nineteen-year-olds, proposed by the Marines, was rooted in the longstanding tradition of depending on teenagers with rifles to maintain American global supremacy.
The Air Force proposed the inclusion of innovation after the success of “Spark Tank,” a reality TV knock-off event in which Air Force members have the opportuni…
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