By Task Force Football Bat
WEST POINT, N.Y.—Amid sensational news that a plaque on campus includes a depiction of a hooded, armed member of the Ku Klux Klan, leadership at the U.S. States Military Academy has canceled all planned cross burnings “for the foreseeable future,” according to the institution’s public affairs officer.
“We now realize that displaying a symbol of love and compassion alight with the flames of hatred on The Plain might not look great to outsiders,” said Maj. John Tompkins from behind what appeared to be a white pillowcase pulled over his head.
Controversy broke out when the congressional commission charged with reviewing and cataloging all military property that honors the confederacy discovered the image, which oblivious and possibly lost future officers have been walking by for decades, unknowingly becoming vehement white supremacists.
The commission, whose purview is to look into monuments, buildings and the like with names tied to the Civil War, said in its official report, “We were only supposed to be looking for traitor stuff, but we would be remiss if we didn’t note: what the fuck is this?”
The KKK relief, roughly four inches in diameter within three plaques that stand more than ten feet tall by four feet wide each, sits in company with a “Carpet Bagger,” a prairie chicken, and a “Salem Witch” flying on a broom elsewhere on the sculptural catastrophe. The large plaque itself is meant to be a depiction of American history through the time of its rendering in 1965 and would have gotten a grade of “F+” in 7th-grade art class.
Outrage roared over social media after responsible headlines like the Washington Post’s “a Klansman sculpture has hung at West Point for more than half a century” landed.
Questions remain around how the commission could catch a small depiction in the corner of a total mess of a plaque but miss the many crucifixes engulfed in flames around campus.
West Point’s PAO was adamant that it was all a misunderstanding, adding that “if you think this is bad, please don’t ask about the satanic rituals happening in the barr - I mean, ‘Beat Navy!’”
Task Force Football Bat wants to know what else he missed at West Point.