By Blondes Over Baghdad

JOINT BASE ANACOSTIA BOLLING — Max Impact, the official rock and pop music ensemble of the United States Air Force, followed the lead of artists Neil Diamond and Joni Mitchell today and demanded that their music be pulled from Spotify in protest of alleged misinformation in a popular podcast hosted by Joe Rogan.

“It would be a real shame if everyone started listening to our music to hear what all the fuss is about before it goes off Spotify,” said Air Force 1st Lt. Peter Dorau, Max Impact’s frontman.

Dorau added that his rating period ends in February.

Dorau’s move has rubbed several members of Max Impact the wrong way, including keyboardist Tech. Sgt. Aaron “Mother of all Chords” Trask.

“This is as bad as when the LT tried to make our act ‘more metal’ by having us smash our guitars during ‘The Airman’s Creed.’ He should have known that we are proud Airmen. No one lifts heavy enough to be able to break shit.”