Pentagon changes rear admiral rank to something less gay

Historic title to be replaced with something the SECDEF can say without giggling

WASHINGTON — Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth has directed the Department of the Navy to rename the rank of "rear admiral" to something “less suggestive and more intimidating,” according to a memo circulated Monday.

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The policy, part of a broader military modernization initiative known as Project Iron Manhood, will phase out the term rear admiral by fiscal year 2026. In its place, the Navy will adopt the title Maritime Command Admiral (Forward Facing). The change is expected to affect more than 150 flag officers across the fleet, along with thousands of PowerPoint slides, parking signs, and nameplates in the Pentagon.

Defense officials say the move is intended to reduce confusion and superficial language in rank nomenclature and to promote a culture of what the memo refers to as operational masculinity.

The change marks the Pentagon’s latest step in a sweeping campaign to rebrand the armed forces leadership, which has emphasized traditional values, warfighting spirit, and the elimination of what has been described as language ambiguities that risk eroding combat lethality.

According to internal briefing slides reviewed by reporters, Navy officials considered several alternative titles for the rank before settling on the new designation. Runners-up included Tactical Admiral, Combat Admiral, and Executive War Admiral, the latter rejected due to concerns that it “sounded too anime.”

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The current rear admiral title, used for centuries by naval forces worldwide, originated from the days of sail when admirals commanding the rear squadron of a fleet were designated as such. Historians note the term has never been linked to anatomical references or personal lifestyles, but Pentagon officials acknowledged that modern interpretation has made the rank a recurring source of levity among junior enlisted personnel, civilian contractors, and anyone with access to social media.

Indeed, a recent report from the RAND Corporation, Sexual Semantics in Service Culture: The Case of the Rear Admiral, found that over 71 percent of enlisted sailors admitted to smirking when hearing the rank spoken aloud. Of those, 22 percent said they did not believe it was a real title, and 13 percent assumed it was “some kind of hazing thing.”

The same report cited widespread confusion among ROTC cadets, 10 percent of whom believed “rear admiral” was a ceremonial title awarded to Navy drag queens during Pride Month.

Fleet leadership has voiced mixed reactions to the rebranding. In internal correspondence, senior officers raised concerns about the cost and complexity of the change, particularly on organizational charts and joint-service briefings. One internal white paper from Pacific Fleet warned the rank change could “create friction” with allied navies and “require significant retraining of automated voice systems aboard aircraft carriers.”

Still, the Department of Defense remains confident the move will strengthen perceptions of professionalism.