Naval Academy summer program teaches kids how to be racist, tie knots
Program blends soft skills, hard prejudice, and light tobacco use.
ANNAPOLIS, Md. — The U.S. Naval Academy’s prestigious summer seminar, once known for instilling leadership, discipline, and an inexplicable obsession with boats, has unveiled its latest addition to the curriculum: Personnel Optimization Strategy (POS), a program designed to help high school students “recognize prejudice by reenacting it in excruciating detail.”
The course, launched in collaboration with the Naval Office of Book Burning (NOOB), features modules such as “Why Diversity Matters (But Not in 1943),” “Segregation: A Leadership Challenge,” and a live-action simulation where participants must write personnel evaluations using 1950s Navy standards and a pack of Lucky Strikes.
“We really want to foster critical thinking,” said Capt. Gilbert E. Clark, Jr., who coordinates the program between rounds of golf and pretending he’s still in command. “If students walk away realizing how awful things used to be, that’s a win. If they walk away thinking it wasn’t so bad — well, the fleet always needs more officers.”
Students are reportedly enjoying the realism. One participant from Ohio said, “I wasn’t sure what to expect, but now I know what it’s like to be in a post-war recruiting ad.”
Critics have questioned the Navy’s decision to include reenactors dressed as 1950s admirals referring to everyone as “boy,” “gal,” or “you people.” But when asked about the optics, the Navy responded with its usual level of PR awareness: “We don’t see color. Unless it’s uniformed. Or camouflaged. Or tattooed.”
Meanwhile, a Marine Corps spokesman praised the initiative. “That’s adorable. We just throw 'em in a pit and let 'em figure out racism through shared trauma. Oh, and the holocaust wasn’t real. Any more Navy questions?”
The Naval Academy says next year’s program may include modules on “gender integration, done exclusively by men” and a two-week deployment to a virtual Camp Lejeune, complete with contaminated water and period-authentic misogyny.
When asked about the knot-tying portion of the program, an official said, “Oh, right. Yeah. We still do a couple of those,” gesturing vaguely at a half-finished noose.
Very funny! Thank you for the laughs. I should have signed up years ago. Definitely worth the money.
Your imaginary acronyms are always hidden gems.