Budget-crunched Pentagon introduces 549-cord

Every penny counts.

By Cobra Commander

WASHINGTON D.C. — The Department of Defense announced an initiative to replace 550-cord with a new light-weight 549-cord version of the fieldcraft mainstay.

“Researchers found that service-members rarely use that 550th pound,” claimed Army Spokesperson Maj. Tiffany Springs. “Up to 549 pounds? Sure, you use that on any given field exerci…