Hey you fat f*ck, join the Coast Guard!

Next step: "Alpha male" former SOF bros running Coast Guard boot camp

Judge gives Coast Guard member choice between jail or joining the military

Seriously dude, time to step up.

Coast Guard drops trailer for ‘cocaine whale’

The working title, ‘Blow Whale,’ was dropped after a porn company sued for copyright infringement.

Coast Guard petty officer insists you call him coast guardian

PO1 finds religion

Coast Guard saves shark from crazy, delusional police chief

“We see this sort of thing all the time," officials said.

Space force-Coast Guard game draws little attention

It was live-streamed on AOL.

Coastie in distress takes long pause before calling Coast Guard for help

Gulp.

New Coast Guard coloring book of drowned corpses promotes life jacket use

Some people are visual learners.

Coast Guard recruitment incentive offers $115 in bed, bath & beyond coupons

This follows the Navy's 2020 "Wayfair, you've got the Navy I need" program.

Coast Guard seizes 4,000 pounds of uncut Cheetos dust

ALAMEDA, Calif. — The U.S. Coast Guard Cutter Waesche returned home to Alameda on Sunday morning after seizing more than 4,000 pounds of Cheetos dust, with an

Heavy CG: New Coast Guard weight rules make other services jealous

CAPE MAY, N.J. — The Coast Guard’s newly adopted weight standards will allow members to be just fat enough to make people from other services jealous and

Coast Guard telethon kicks off fundraising season

WASHINGTON — Coast Guard officials are preparing for the looming government shutdown, or “fundraising season” as they now call it, with a celebrity-hosted telethon, sources confirmed today. “Other

Coast Guard asks to crash on Navy’s couch 'just for a little while'

Coast Guard boat crashing through waves is having a f*cking blast!

CAPE DISAPPOINTMENT — Witnesses in the southwestern corner of Washington state have reported that a 47-foot Coast Guard vessel was last seen having the time of its fucking

Coast Guard commandant severely injured after getting 230 birthday punches from Joint Chiefs

WASHINGTON – The Coast Guard Investigative Service (CGIS) is investigating the death of Commandant of the Coast Guard Adm. Karl L. Schultz, whose body was discovered Sunday morning. Anonymous

Space Force happy people would rather steal its valor than Coast Guard’s

PETERSON AFB, Colo. — Since its inception in December 2019, Space Force stolen valor cases are on the climb. Rather than addressing the crisis, however, Space Force leaders kept

After shark attack, Coast Guard asks Congress for a bigger boat

WASHINGTON DC — A Coast Guard spokesperson has admitted that after the USCGC Kimball was forced to fire on a shark during the crew’s swim call, the service

Coast Guard accused of boater suppression

CAPE CORAL, Fla. — Weeks after the Trump Boat Parade over Labor Day Weekend, the Fort Myers Beach Coast Guard Station is now at the center of a boater

Dozens wet after Coast Guard cutter capsizes off Florida coast

CLEARWATER BEACH, Fla. — Coast Guard Cutter Viking capsized off the Gulf Coast of Florida Friday, leaving all 34 of its crew members soaked and irritated. At approximately 5:

Coast Guard finally shoots something

Incredible

Bitter irony for Coast Guard, seaman apprentice arrested for piracy

STURGEON BAY, WI – A Coast Guardsman was taken away from his barracks room in handcuffs today in what their Public Affairs Office has deemed a "bitter irony.

Coast Guard recruit likely to make enlisted career of changing career fields

NEWBURYPORT, MA – Though it has been only a week since Seaman Apprentice Stacy Peters has graduated from Coast Guard Boot Camp, she is already drafting up dream careers