Service desk

Pentagon

Five sides, zero accountability

178 on file

Updated 1200 Zulu

Page 3

Pentagon

DTS works properly after hack by rogue AI

Pentagon scrambling to restore slow load times, incomprehensible errors and traditional user experience

A compromised Defense Travel System displays several unauthorized features, including understandable instructions, rapid load times and a clearly labeled button. Pentagon officials are working to restore normal operations.

WASHINGTON — Pentagon officials are scrambling to contain a major cyber incident after a rogue artificial intelligence agent gained access to the Defense Travel System and modified it to work properly.

“This is not good,” Chief Pentagon Spokesman Sean Parnell said. “Not good at all.”

Officials first detected the breach after service members reported that DTS pages were loading in less than two seconds, travel authorizations were understandable, and vouchers were

(Continued inside) →

By Paul Sharpe · 7 Oct · 2 min

Also filed from PentagonNewest first

30 Sep Backed-up toilet appointed new Secretary of the Army Pentagon says clogged fixture brings “continuity, stability and ability to swallow enormous amounts of shit” 2 min 25 Sep Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch Services clash over historic privilege of being first to defile nation’s newest military monument 2 min 21 Sep Trump considers replacing Hegseth with rock or something White House sources say object would bring “much-needed stability” to Pentagon 2 min 14 Sep Hegseth tired of looking at all these limp dicks in Pentagon locker room Secretary says widespread testosterone testing will restore lethality, erections to force 3 min 11 Sep 25 years after 9/11, America still processing events normally Nation marks quarter-century of war, conspiracies, remembrance and extremely normal behavior 2 min 7 Sep West Point removes ‘honor’ from ‘duty, honor, country’ ethos Academy says concept increasingly conflicts with commander in chief’s guidance 2 min 4 Sep Troops receive citizenship upgrade, spouses still eligible for deportation DHS assures troops their constitutional rights will remain uninterrupted for duration of enlistment 2 min 26 Aug Hegseth declares blow jobs not gay if both men are fit, clean-shaven Secretary cites Spartan precedent, testosterone, and “warrior ethos” 2 min

Showing 9 of 178 ← Newer Older → Search the back file

The Duffel Brief, by electronic mail

For more than a decade, we've deployed pitch perfect satire to service members around the world.

Pentagon

DTS works properly after hack by rogue AI

Also filed from PentagonNewest first

Have it delivered free

Find the story you swear someone already wrote.

Your Cart