Pentagon unveils ‘Send Someone Else’ campaign for Iran war supporters

Officials clarify ‘Send Me’ remains mandatory for people without policy influence

Aug 21, 2026 · 2 min read

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Pentagon facing dangerous shortage of fucks given

Officials warn Iran war has pushed strategic fuck reserve below minimum levels

Aug 14, 2026 · 2 min read

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Opinion: Listen up, assholes. Turn in your excess cruise missiles or everybody stays in formation

We’re missing some missiles. So everybody needs to check their pockets.

Aug 12, 2026 · 3 min read

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Hegseth mistakes getting older for declining military standards

Pentagon finds standards only fell when secretary entered new age brackets

Aug 7, 2026 · 2 min read

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Duffel Blog’s Top 13 ideas for solving the Iran War

CENTCOM requested creative and unconventional proposals. It did not specify they had to be good.

Aug 5, 2026 · 8 min read

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Pentagon limits combat casualties to normal business hours

Troops killed after 5 p.m. will be classified as hostile workplace incidents pending timecard approval

Jul 31, 2026 · 2 min read

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DoD reclassifies sexual assault as 'flirting' under new policy

Pentagon says terminology change will immediately reduce reported incidents

Jul 29, 2026 · 2 min read

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Pentagon unveils technology to hide fat generals from Hegseth

New augmented reality system automatically renders senior officers “within standards”

Jul 24, 2026 · 5 min read

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Hegseth bans teachings of Jesus from Pentagon Christian services

Defense secretary says New Testament contains “significant ideological drift”

Jul 20, 2026 · 1 min read

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Pentagon warns US unable to fight two ceasefires simultaneously

Military leaders fear surprise ceasefire in Indo-Pacific could overstretch force

Jun 29, 2026 · 1 min read

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Hegseth invites 1,776 strippers to Pentagon for America 250 celebration

Secretary says event will honor the nation’s founding while “boosting morale, lethality, and tips”

Jun 26, 2026 · 5 min read

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Pentagon insiders increasingly concerned about 'mission creep'

Officials say problem worsens every time Hegseth enters a room

Jun 19, 2026 · 2 min read

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Hegseth unveils separate but equal branches of military service

Pentagon insists new force structure is based entirely on merit and several remarkable coincidences

Jun 17, 2026 · 2 min read

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Opinion: I am not the worst secretary of defense ever

Pete Hegseth says critics fail to appreciate his commitment to lethality, vibes, and unauthorized regime change

May 29, 2026 · 3 min read

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Hegseth orders new loyalty oath for Catholic troops

Pentagon says policy intended to clarify “chain of command issues” involving newly elected pope

May 25, 2026 · 2 min read

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Pentagon adds 'hotness' score to female troops’ performance reports

Officials say new metric will standardize long-standing evaluation criteria

May 15, 2026 · 2 min read

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Pope announces Trump in custody after stunning Vatican raid

Vatican officials cite “escalating spiritual tensions” after president allegedly began freelancing divine authority

May 13, 2026 · 2 min read

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Hegseth buys second suit

Pentagon officials say acquisition marks rare deviation from secretary’s standard-issue outfit

May 4, 2026 · 2 min read

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Retirees alarmed as troops stop pretending Iran War makes sense

Retirees at Fort Brag say there's been a breakdown in troops’ willingness to repeat official talking points.

Apr 27, 2026 · 2 min read

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Pentagon defunds anti–think tank missile

Officials say program unnecessary given existing self-censorship

Apr 24, 2026 · 2 min read

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Reservists to fight Iran one weekend a month, two wars a year

Pentagon unveils ‘drill-based operational model’ to maximize readiness, minimize funding

Apr 22, 2026 · 2 min read

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Iran plans blockade of American blockade of Iranian blockade

Strategist say counter-counter-counter blockade is 'time-honored naval move'

Apr 20, 2026 · 2 min read

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