FORT EUSTIS, Va. — Recognizing a threat to their existence, Army Majors have successfully lobbied to stop generative AI like ChatGPT from learning and using the military decision-making process, or MDMP. ChatGPT has quickly become the most popular new tech in the world with users all over Europe, Africa, and one guy in North Korea. With its recent updates, this AI can understand millions of subjects and summarize complex issues all within seconds, just like IPPS-A. It is very familiar with the military’s many regulations and processes.

MDMP is a seven-step planning process built over years of trial and error, experience, and war. One will typically find it as the focus of professional military education for senior leaders. Army Majors focus on this skill and use it to plan exercises and real-world missions. MDMP could almost be said to be the whole reason the rank even exists. Lieutenant Colonels are the battalion commanders, Captains are the company commanders, Majors are, well…there. Being good at MDMP is not just their one skill, it can also be their entire personality.

“When my wife doesn’t know where to eat, I break out my whiteboard, markers, and template I was provided in ILE,” said Maj. Ryan Johnson, a thrice divorced, self-proclaimed family man. “Our mission: get good food. Our courses of action: Popeyes, Burger King, or Popeyes.”