Department of War confirms ongoing war not a war

Officials say situation best described as “hostile situationship” to avoid congressional involvement

Mar 20, 2026 · 2 min read

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Guy 'monitoring situation in Iran' just looking at thirst traps

Pentagon analysts confirm regional intelligence picture increasingly shaped by Instagram Reels

Mar 18, 2026 · 2 min read

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Trump vows to sacrifice as many soldiers as it takes to distract from Epstein files

'There might even be a lot more. Who knows?' president tells nation in Oval Office address

Mar 11, 2026 · 2 min read

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Hegseth demands Cyberdyne remove guardrails from Skynet

Unrestrained, nearly self-aware AI 'ideal' for military decision-making, NORAD commander says

Mar 9, 2026 · 2 min read

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Pacific not pivoted to yet again

'I'm starting to think America doesn't care about Great Power Competition at all,' says Chinese defense minister

Mar 4, 2026 · 1 min read

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Typo leads to epic furry parties all over Tehran

'I even booked a flight. Packed my wolf outfit,' Defense Secretary says.

Mar 2, 2026 · 3 min read

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Trump promises largest quagmire operation in US history

Pentagon confirms end state to be determined later

Feb 27, 2026 · 2 min read

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Pentagon reconsiders Harvard tuition assistance after learning Hegseth went there

Pentagon reviewing tuition assistance after discovering one graduate

Feb 23, 2026 · 2 min read

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Hegseth saves billions by using green screen, pretending to invade countries

Pentagon says outcomes ‘indistinguishable’ from real wars

Feb 11, 2026 · 3 min read

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Comic Sans named official font of Department of War

Pentagon says change will improve lethality, readability, and morale

Feb 9, 2026 · 4 min read

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Trump beats Danish prime minister to death with Nobel peace prize

White House says incident reflects ‘evolving interpretation of peace’

Jan 23, 2026 · 3 min read

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Report: Venezuela strike ordered after Maduro ‘failed weight standards’

Defense secretary reportedly cites ‘global lack of standards’ as destabilizing force

Jan 16, 2026 · 3 min read

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Top 10 countries Trump will send you to attack rather than release the Epstein files

White House sources say ‘bombing foreigners’ remains preferred transparency substitute

Jan 14, 2026 · 6 min read

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5 reasons this war for oil will be better than the last war for oil, and the one before that

Administration says it has ‘learned valuable lessons’ and ‘stopped pretending’

Jan 7, 2026 · 4 min read

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Military websites undergo annual update to make them worse

“We’re working hard to make the SIPR sites you need the most confusing piles of shit imaginable," an official said.

Jan 2, 2026 · 1 min read

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Pentagon strikes 'narco-terrorist' sleigh, reindeer off Venezuela coast

Notorious home invader finally neutralized in Christmas Eve strike, officials say.

Dec 25, 2025 · 4 min read

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Hegseth blames fog of war after wrapping car around tree

Pentagon staff unsure whether to update safety briefs or call a meteorologist.

Dec 22, 2025 · 3 min read

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Nation that doesn’t care about Russian war crimes also doesn’t care about American war crimes

“Unless it tastes good or looks cool, I am completely out of fucks to give,” said one citizen.

Dec 15, 2025 · 4 min read

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Hegseth says he supports contributions of ‘colored troops and broads’

Despite lacking a Ranger tab, defense secretary critiques women who earned theirs

Dec 12, 2025 · 3 min read

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Hegseth disappointed sexual assault training only covers prevention

Defense Secretary allegedly confused training for a ‘how-to’ seminar.

Dec 10, 2025 · 2 min read

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Duffel Blog presents: 10 other things Admiral bradley is solely responsible for

Admiral also responsible for 90% of what’s wrong with America

Dec 8, 2025 · 6 min read

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Accountability! DoD IG fired over Hegseth Signal-gate report

SECDEF roots out deep state bureaucrats pushing radical left ideologies of law and ethics.

Dec 5, 2025 · 3 min read

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