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US invades Venezuela after discovering massive stores of 'big booty Latinas'
Recruiting offices report record surge in male applicants aged 13 to 97
Sep 15, 2025 · 3 min read
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154 stories in this section
Pentagon finds Hegseth pullups as root cause of failures in Iraq, Afghanistan
Audit finds lack of dead hang directly correlated with collapse of two nations
Aug 29, 2025 · 3 min read
Chimp hanging upside down from lectern named new Pentagon spokesman
Banana tariffs, China, and showing his butt top agenda for new flack
Aug 20, 2025 · 3 min read
Pete Hegseth thrown onto court at WNBA game
Police officer removes SECDEF using towel and rubber gloves
Aug 11, 2025 · 2 min read
DOGE vows to reduce Pentagon to triangle
"The DoD is no longer an oversized bureaucracy. Instead, it will be an obtuse bureaucracy with sharp angles.”
Jul 25, 2025 · 4 min read
Mattis emerges from time machine, horrified to learn Pete Hegseth is SecDef
General returns to find ICE in museums, POWs in Ukraine, and the Constitution on vacation.
Jul 21, 2025 · 4 min read
8 tattoos you can get under new Hegseth policy
Good news: Tattoos of Pete Hegseth depicted “in the Greek Style” are now allowed.
Jul 16, 2025 · 5 min read
Iran rebranded 'Pepsistan' in new Pepsi-Pentagon strategic partnership
U.S. military now powered by freedom, capitalism, and high-fructose corn syrup
Jul 11, 2025 · 3 min read
US accidentally re-invades Iraq
Troops surprised to find old combat outposts still smell like Axe body spray
Jun 25, 2025 · 3 min read
US 'far behind in capabilities' being sold by retired general
The retired officer says that America is woefully under-resourced in a defense technology capability that is only sold by his company.
Jun 2, 2025 · 3 min read
The Atlantic: Please remove us from this distro
The publication's editor was added to another Signal chat called "Joint Ops Bantz 🔥💥🚀 (NO FOREIGN)"
May 19, 2025 · 3 min read
Hegseth budget plan just stick figure with huge tits
Budgetary offices across the service branches are scrambling after receiving the ambiguous guidance.
May 14, 2025 · 4 min read
Hegseth thinking that DEI Coordinator job at National Guard bureau looks pretty sweet right now
The embattled Pentagon chief, long viewed as a DUI hire, is looking for the exits.
May 7, 2025 · 3 min read
Hegseth congratulates historic last ever female to complete best Ranger competition
"I’ve personally fired every female commander I can find, and now one has completed Best Ranger?”
Apr 28, 2025 · 4 min read
Leaked: Hegseth’s plan to 'de-gay' the military
Duffel Blog obtained the confidential memo.
Apr 25, 2025 · 3 min read
Trade wars service medal delayed by China tariffs
"The supplier increased the cost by 145%."
Apr 23, 2025 · 2 min read
Pentagon removes 54th Massachusetts from Army records as 'DEI hires'
"Recruiting an entire regiment based only on skin color? What were we thinking?”
Apr 16, 2025 · 4 min read
Pentagon releases list of approved racial and sexual epithets
Names and “zingers” questioning another service member’s sexual orientation are allowed immediately.
Apr 11, 2025 · 3 min read
DoD establishes strategic porn reserve after Canada threatens to disable PornHub
Now our warfighters won’t lose access to the lube that keeps the Defense Department grinding.
Apr 9, 2025 · 3 min read
Pentagon renames Fort Campbell after the soup
"Remember that we are Army Strong, and we are Mmm Mmm Good.”
Apr 7, 2025 · 3 min read
Citing DEI, Pentagon ends special treatment of black mold in barracks
Black mold is now able to serve openly in the barracks with no special treatment and will be judged fairly against other barracks residents.
Apr 4, 2025 · 3 min read
Hegseth punishes himself with extra set of 47 pushups for leaking war plans
"Accountability has been my watchword from day one, and my little boo-boo is no exception,” he said.
Apr 2, 2025 · 3 min read
👊🇺🇸🔥
Intel update briefing prepared by National Security Advisor Mike Waltz
Apr 1, 2025 · 1 min read
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