Five sides, zero accountability
U.S. military now powered by freedom, capitalism, and high-fructose corn syrup
Troops surprised to find old combat outposts still smell like Axe body spray
The retired officer says that America is woefully under-resourced in a defense technology capability that is only sold by his company.
The publication's editor was added to another Signal chat called "Joint Ops Bantz 🔥💥🚀 (NO FOREIGN)"
Budgetary offices across the service branches are scrambling after receiving the ambiguous guidance.
The embattled Pentagon chief, long viewed as a DUI hire, is looking for the exits.
"I’ve personally fired every female commander I can find, and now one has completed Best Ranger?”
Duffel Blog obtained the confidential memo.
"The supplier increased the cost by 145%."
"Recruiting an entire regiment based only on skin color? What were we thinking?”
Names and “zingers” questioning another service member’s sexual orientation are allowed immediately.
Now our warfighters won’t lose access to the lube that keeps the Defense Department grinding.
"Remember that we are Army Strong, and we are Mmm Mmm Good.”
Black mold is now able to serve openly in the barracks with no special treatment and will be judged fairly against other barracks residents.
"Accountability has been my watchword from day one, and my little boo-boo is no exception,” he said.
Intel update briefing prepared by National Security Advisor Mike Waltz
Strike plans—whatever you want to call them—it's classified okay?
“I was shocked when I heard Pete was the source of the Pentagon leaks,” said Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard.
All we asked for was 80% compliance.
“It reminds me of this one time when I was in this chick’s OODA Loop and accidentally gave her Plan Bravo instead of Plan B the next morning."
"It's super awkward to put on my LinkedIn profile," said Gen. Randall Reed, the commander.
"“All the DEI nonsense muddied the waters of where Black merit traditionally lies in the military," a spokesman said.
The markings will distinguish U.S. forces from “freedom-hating and war-mongering Ukrainians,” according to Hegseth.
“So, naturally, we formed a task force to determine whether we had too many task forces."
Here are Hegseth’s best “easy outs” for serving allies and partners a big cold dish of reality.
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