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The Trump administration also accidentally texted us its war plans
Strike plans—whatever you want to call them—it's classified okay?
Mar 31, 2025 · 4 min read
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154 stories in this section
Hegseth says he meant to send dick pic, not war plans
“It reminds me of this one time when I was in this chick’s OODA Loop and accidentally gave her Plan Bravo instead of Plan B the next morning."
Mar 26, 2025 · 2 min read
TRANSCOM renamed PENISORVAGINACOM to comply with presidential directives
"It's super awkward to put on my LinkedIn profile," said Gen. Randall Reed, the commander.
Mar 19, 2025 · 3 min read
Pentagon offers black recruits exciting opportunities as cooks, truck drivers
"“All the DEI nonsense muddied the waters of where Black merit traditionally lies in the military," a spokesman said.
Mar 17, 2025 · 3 min read
Hegseth orders military to paint 'Z' on all vehicles
The markings will distinguish U.S. forces from “freedom-hating and war-mongering Ukrainians,” according to Hegseth.
Mar 14, 2025 · 3 min read
Pentagon establishes task force of task forces to address need for task forces
“So, naturally, we formed a task force to determine whether we had too many task forces."
Mar 10, 2025 · 2 min read
Hegseth’s top tips on using the warrior ethos to abandon allies and warfighters
Here are Hegseth’s best “easy outs” for serving allies and partners a big cold dish of reality.
Mar 5, 2025 · 3 min read
Leidos wins $10 billion contract to write 5 bullets on what fed employees did last week
The company has been "an industry-leading innovator in bullet point technology for over five decades."
Mar 3, 2025 · 3 min read
Suspicious OPM email ignored by entire government thanks to cyber awareness training
“Thank you, Jeff! Thank you, Tina! Your service is not forgotten."
Feb 24, 2025 · 3 min read
DoD rushes to add obvious 'woke' things to keep Hegseth busy
“Hey, someone close the door, the weekly interoffice gay pride parade is kind of loud.”
Jan 22, 2025 · 3 min read
Elon Musk appoints Donald Trump as Commander-in-chief
Musk emphasized that Trump’s leadership would bring “business savvy” to future military operations.
Jan 20, 2025 · 3 min read
'I'm not a perfect person' says Hegseth, who is not even a sort of ok person
“Is Pete a cheater? Sure, but who among us isn’t?” one senator asked in front of his bewildered wife and mother of his six children.
Jan 17, 2025 · 3 min read
Author of DoD AI policy clearly going through breakup with AI girlfriend
Sure, you can feel a little bad for the guy.
Jan 13, 2025 · 3 min read
Hegseth vows to implement new 'don’t ask, don’t tell' drinking policy
If he smells like tequila, ask no questions, and he’ll tell you no lies.
Jan 10, 2025 · 4 min read
Pentagon says it can't obey orders to attack fellow Americans at current funding levels
Senior defense officials have major concerns about obeying such orders without additional funding from Congress.
Dec 18, 2024 · 3 min read
New Department of Gov. Efficiency seeks majors and staff NCOs as military liaisons
The new agency is seeking military-grade efficiency.
Dec 16, 2024 · 3 min read
Hegseth announces new $HARP program to combat military sexual assault
The 2025 Pay Harassers and Assault Reporters Plenty program is coming soon.
Dec 13, 2024 · 3 min read
Senate orders Hegseth to complete professional military education
President-elect Donald Trump’s Secretary of Defense nominee, Pete Hegseth, has hit an unusual roadblock.
Dec 6, 2024 · 3 min read
Biden assures Ukrainians new aid package is for their freedom and totally not f-you to Trump
“Just in time before peace breaks out!” Biden declared. “Maybe.”
Nov 23, 2024 · 2 min read
DoD prepares brief for incoming SECDEF Pete Hegseth on who the fuck Pete Hegseth is
This is "information incoming Secretary Pete Hegseth is going to want to be aware of right away."
Nov 22, 2024 · 5 min read
Duffel Blog's guide to Trump's selection of Pete Hegseth as SECDEF
He was one of many candidates in the running. Here's the full list.
Nov 13, 2024 · 4 min read
Senator Tuberville puts hold on Veterans Day
Tuberville says his stance is not only morally correct but is also a means of solving a military personnel crisis.
Nov 11, 2024 · 3 min read
DoD: Mass shootings negatively impact recruiting quotas
“Honestly, that is the biggest tragedy,” said Navy recruiter and Tiktok dance sensation Petty Officer 2nd Class Drea Avila soberly.
Nov 6, 2024 · 3 min read
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