VATICAN CITY — The Vatican confirmed today that President Donald Trump is in custody following an overnight operation conducted by the Vatican Special Operations Command, or VATSOC.

In a brief address from St. Peter’s Square, Pope Leo said the action followed “a period of escalating spiritual and temporal disagreements” culminating in what Vatican officials described as “a meme event of unacceptable magnitude.”

Church officials said the authority for such an operation dates back to Pope Gregory VII in the 11th century, when the papacy asserted supremacy over Christian rulers. Vatican representatives acknowledged the Holy See has never exercised authority over the United States, though officials argued recent political developments had “complicated the distinction.”

“John Adams signed the Treaty of Tripoli in 1797 affirming the United States was not founded as a Christian nation,” said Vatican public affairs cleric Giovanni Bardelli. “However, with President Trump increasingly governing as a monarch and Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth walking around with a ‘Deus Vult’ tattoo, we have reevaluated America’s status accordingly.”

“With this new political relationship, we have been patient,” Pope Leo said before pausing to cough dramatically. “But at a certain point, one cannot simply scroll past blasphemy.”

According to Vatican sources, the operation began shortly after midnight when black-clad priests fast-roped from an unmarked cross-shaped helicopter onto White House grounds while reciting Latin prayers “for divine protection and dramatic effect.”

Witnesses described the unit as moving with “disturbing efficiency,” reportedly subduing Secret Service personnel using what one official called “nonlethal sacramentals.”

“They hit the ground, crossed themselves, and immediately went to work,” said one White House aide. “It was like watching Van Helsing, except everybody just ended up zip-tied.”

The raid followed weeks of public friction between Trump and Vatican leadership after the president shared AI-generated images depicting himself as a divine figure.

“People are saying it,” Trump reportedly told aides before his capture. “Maybe I’m not God, but something very close. Possibly a high-level angel like Raphael or Megatron — Megalodon — Metatron. One of the important ones.”

“Once a head of state starts improvising divine status, we have procedures,” said one senior cleric familiar with the operation. “We cannot let a monarch compare himself to Megatron — I mean Metatron — and simply move on.”

Trump is expected to face a traditional ecclesiastical proceeding, though officials declined to clarify whether that would include a formal trial or “something more medieval, depending on scheduling and the availability of pay-per-view funding.” In a prerecorded message released after the raid, Trump appeared calm.

“They came in very fast, very quiet, very respectful,” he said. “Strong people. Very strong. Like Equilibrium. Nobody’s ever seen anything like it.”

At press time, Vatican officials confirmed Trump was being held at an undisclosed location while church authorities determined whether proceedings would follow Old Testament or New Testament guidelines.