THE PENTAGON — Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth announced a new loyalty oath for Catholic service members this week, citing what he described as a growing threat to military cohesion posed by “America’s first pope.”

The policy announcement came at the end of a Pentagon press conference during which Hegseth reportedly lost “another prolonged eye-contact battle” with Chairman of the Joint Chiefs Gen. Dan Caine.

“As Vice President and Doctor of the Church JD Vance recently noted, Pope Leo XIV has undermined the lethality of our warriors by questioning the righteousness of our campaign to liberate Iranian schoolgirls from the tyranny of breathing,” Hegseth said.

“One of my favorite philosophers once said, ‘Rome shall not rule,’” he continued. “And that’s especially true when our forces are in harm’s way. I just want Catholic troops to fully understand the chain of command between God and the federal government.”

Hegseth said the additional oath should not concern troops already accustomed to military bureaucracy.

“Look, you’re already taking oaths all the time,” he said. “Oath of enlistment, oath of office, security clearance paperwork. Even I had to swear I’d mostly stop drinking so Congress would confirm me.”

The oath reads:

“I swear by God this holy oath, that I will render to Donald Trump, leader of the American Realm and People, Supreme Commander of the Armed Forces, unconditional obedience, and that I am ready, as a brave soldier, sailor, Marine, airman, or guardian, to risk my life at any time for this oath.”

“See? Short, simple, and to the point,” Hegseth said. “Now we can get back to blockading the blockade to reopen the place that was already open before we blockaded it.”

The policy marks the latest escalation in deteriorating relations between the Vatican and the Trump administration. Analysts remain divided on the cause of the dispute. Some believe tensions began after the late Pope Francis allegedly decided eternal judgment was preferable to attending meetings with J.D. Vance, while others point to White House attempts to influence the papal election.

One Pentagon source said matters worsened following a private meeting between the Vatican ambassador and Under Secretary of Defense for Policy Elbridge Colby.