WASHINGTON — Members of the Pentagon Press Corps announced a $3 million GoFundMe campaign to raise money to find, locate, and recover missing senior Department of Defense officials by featuring their photographs on milk cartons in the District of Columbia-Maryland-Virginia metropolitan area, sources confirmed today.

Last week marked the 300th day since a Pentagon spokesperson briefed on camera in the Pentagon Briefing Room and 211 days since a Secretary of Defense briefed there, according to a Rand Corporation study.

“We were really concerned for their whereabouts and safety,” said Louis-Martin Eze, president of the Pentagon Press Association. “We’ve even reached out to the SETI Institute and our contacts at the Department of the Air Force’s Area 51 to see if there has been an uptick in alien abductions in the Northern Virginia area.”