WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump has nominated the Giant Floating Pile of Trash to serve as the next commandant of the U.S. Coast Guard, the White House announced Tuesday. If confirmed, the Giant Floating Pile of Trash would be the first floating pile of garbage ever to lead a branch of the U.S. military.

"Giant Floating Pile of Trash's nomination will inspire generations of trash to strive to serve at the highest level in the Armed Forces," said Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas), chair of the Senate Commerce Committee.

Due to the Giant Floating Pile of Trash’s unique experience in the maritime environment, the Senate Commerce Committee approved the nomination, saying that it could not imagine a more qualified and appropriate entity to lead the men and women of the Coast Guard.