The following is an opinion piece by former Army Sgt. 1st Class and current HR specialist Bradley Mercer.
As a former service member who now works in human resources for a large technology company, I have recently been confronted with an unexpected workplace management question.
Managers keep asking me the same thing:
“Should I water my veteran?”
The short answer is: it depends.
Like most things in the military, the answer is METT-TC dependent. The veteran, the environment, the mission, and the general vibe of the office must all be considered before making any hydration decisions.
Not all veterans require the same level of watering.
The first category is the Normal Human Veteran.
This veteran has fully transitioned to civilian life and will take immediate offense if you attempt to water them.
They mention military service only when writing in their journal, obtaining a discount at Lowe’s, or discussing VA disability claims with a level of precision normally reserved for danger-close mortar missions.
They never wear the hats.
They never tell stories.
If you bring up the military, they will sigh and immediately redirect the conversation toward mortgage rates, Excel formulas, or mulch pricing.
Do not water this veteran.
They will interpret it as an attempt to establish dominance and spend the next five years quietly planning their departure from your organization.
The second category is the Oxygen Thief Veteran.
This individual spent most of their military career being reminded to perform basic biological functions.
Drink water.
Stand up straight.
Stop doing that.
Because of this conditioning, they expect management to tell them when to hydrate.
If no guidance is provided, they will sit quietly at their desk dehydrating while waiting for instructions.
This is the only veteran category where proactive watering is recommended.
The third category is the Smelly Veteran.
