First Sergeant With GED Tells Corporal He'll 'Never Make It On The Outside'

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CAMP PENDLETON, Calif. — A first sergeant with more than 20 years of service in the Marine Corps and a high school equivalency degree told a corporal being discharged after four years to attend college that there's no way he'll ever make it on the outside, sources confirmed.

Cpl. Steven Winters, 23, an infantryman with multiple deployments who was recently accepted to Columbia University in New York, will be "crawling back to the Corps within months," according to 1st Sgt. Ted Harris.

"These young Marines don't understand what they are giving up," said Harris while spitting Copenhagen into a nearly-full 2-liter soda bottle. "This is the greatest job in the world. Where else do you get to get drunk, shoot things, and get a paycheck for it?"

For more than a decade, we've deployed pitch perfect satire to service members around the world.

First Sergeant with GED tells Corporal he'll 'never make it on the outside'

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