WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Marine Corps' top general held a press conference this morning to address the increasing violence in Syria and to request that the Syrians somehow move their conflict to the Pacific Ocean.

Speaking from the Marine Barracks, General James F. Amos said that the Marine Corps would be more than willing to intervene in Syria, provided it was in an amphibious capacity and off the coast of China.

Syrian rebels are currently waging an insurrection against the mostly land-locked and distinctly non-Asian government of President Bashar al-Assad.

"For the past two years we've been saying that the Marine Corps is not a second land army, but they obviously didn't get the message," Amos told reporters.